Calories we burn whilst having sex!<\/p>\n
The Act of Insertion
\nIf the man is ready (same vice-versa) : 1\/4 calories
\nIf the woman is not (same vice-versa) : 274 calories<\/p>\n
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
\nMost experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a Shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside.<\/p>\n
Normal size : 22 calories
\nOversize : 15 calories
\nTremendous : 8 calories
\nTeensy-weensy : 163 calories<\/p>\n
Positions
\nMan on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) : 20 calories
\nWoman on top, man on bottom : 25 calories (Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.)
\nFrom the rear (Mysterious variation) : 40 1\/2 calories
\nStanding
\n – Both partners of equal height : 18 calories
\n – Woman 1 foot taller than a man : 90 calories (The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction.)
\n – While in traction : 124 calories<\/p>\n
Locations
\nOn a bar stool : 20 calories
\nRear of a Honda Civic : 38 calories
\nIn a phone booth
\n – Standing : 14 calories
\n – Lying down : 274 calories
\nOn an airliner
\n – Aisle seat : 24 calories
\n – Middle seat : 42 calories
\n – Window seat : 30 calories
\n – In the lavatory : 100 calories<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
\nBouncing : 7 calories
\nSliding around : 9 calories
\nSerious Skidding : 12 calories
\nFull cartwheel : 20 calories
\nWhiplash : 27 calories
\nKnee burn : 6 calories
\nChafed elbows : 5 calories
\nChafed nose : 11 calories<\/p>\n
Sex Related Noises
\nShort gasps (per gasp) : 3 calories
\nWheezing : 5 calories
\nSqueals : 4 calories
\nEcstatic moaning : 11 calories
\nLow growling : 8 calories
\nSquishing : 10 calories
\nShouting : 16 calories
\nScreaming : 22 calories
\nAny short speech giving partner directions : 25 calories
\n(“Please don’t stop,” “Faster,” “Just a little more” are common examples)<\/p>\n
Approaching Orgasm
\nLetting go : 5 1\/2 calories
\nControlling yourself : 79 calories
\nDigging nails in your partners back : 11 calories
\nTrembling : 15 calories
\nShaking : 20 calories
\nShuddering : 25 calories
\nTrying to keep eyes open : 33 calories<\/p>\n
Orgasm
\nReal : 27 calories
\nFaked : 160 calories<\/p>\n
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
\nExpression didnt change : 1\/2 calorie
\nFace turned purple : 15 calories
\nOrchestra swelled : 6 calories
\nMagical explosions : 10 calories
\nBlazing sheets : 25 calories
\nEarth moved : 30 calories
\nVesuvius erupted : 47 calories
\nYou began moaning in Latin : 60 calories<\/p>\n
Pulling Out
\nAfter orgasm : 1\/4 calorie
\nA few moments before orgasm : 500 calories<\/p>\n
Multiple Orgasms
\nFor woman
\n – 2 : 14 calories
\n – 5 : 30 calories
\n – 8 : 47 calories
\nDepending on greed and her rate of recovery, a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of “reduced sanity” that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped.<\/p>\n
For Men
\n – 2 : 21 calories
\n – 3 : 39 calories
\n – 4 : 57 calories
\nFor a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.<\/p>\n
Special Orgasms
\nClitoral : 15 calories
\nVaginal : 21 calories
\nPenile : 21 calories
\nScrotile : 15 calories
\nRectal : 25 calories
\nOral : 30 calories (can also occur during an especially good meal)<\/p>\n
Premature Ejaculation*
\nDuring insertion : 2 calories
\nDuring intercourse : 5 calories (approx…2 sec’s or 3 thrusts after insertion, which ever comes first)
\nDuring foreplay : 3 calories
\nImmature ejaculation : 4 calories (similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum)
\n* Often caused by an inability to do things right. <\/p>\n
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
\nEven if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec’s of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the footy on the tv.<\/p>\n
For Woman
\n – Frustration : 8 calories
\n – Anger : 15 calories
\n – Violent mood swing : 20 calories
\n – Suppressing rage : 25 calories
\n – Not suppressing anger : 65 calories (in extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner’s head with a tire iron.)<\/p>\n
For Men
\n – Cursing : 10 calories
\n – Apologising : 3 calories
\n – Snivelling : 5 calories
\n – Pleading for mercy : 8 calories
\n – Begging for another chance : 15 calories (Note how unfair : Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 sec’s of sex.)<\/p>\n
Possible Side Effects of Good Sex
\nThe first indication that sex was a positive experience will be a buzzing in the pelvic area and a clear complexion. You might also feel pleasantly light, as though you were dozing in a vat of cream cheese. If sex was really terrific, you feel dangerously drained, as though your body had been connected to a large milking machine for several days. Additional reactions include:
\nSwooning : 6 calories
\nPalpitations : 10 calories
\nShortness of breath : 5 calories
\nPerspiring : 8 calories<\/p>\n
Possible Side Effects of Bad Sex
\nA less-than-sunny desposition : 1 calorie<\/p>\n
Recovering
\nUn-entwining : 3 calories
\nRegaining motor control of pelvis : 7 calories (After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk (put one foot in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting a juice.)
\nStanding up : 9 calories
\nGetting some juice : 11 calories <\/p>\n
Rolling Over and Going to Sleep
\nAfter intercourse : 18 calories (Classic behavior for shiftless men who believe they’ve done their job and are now entitled to a rest. This “rest” may include snoring.)
\nDuring intercourse : 32 calories (Women find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.)
\nDuring foreplay : 12 calories (Indicates either an advance case of fatigue or a serious lack of interest.)<\/p>\n
Trying Again
\nIf the woman is ready : 5 calories
\nIf the man is not : 156 calories<\/p>\n
Dreaming
\nRegular dream : 2 calories
\nWet dream : 16 calories
\n – Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner;
\n – Add 20 calories if your partner notices
\nWet trance : 20 calories (Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist.)<\/p>\n
Group Sex
\nIntroducing yourself : 3 calories
\nOvercoming shyness : 8 calories
\nSwapping partners
\n – Willingly : 4 calories
\n – Unwillingly : 62 calories
\n – Jealousy : 16 calories (Partner having more fun than you are.)
\nMixed doubles : 26 calories
\nBeing nice to everyone : 100 calories
\nAnger : 10 calories (You suddenly realise that you’re wanted for you body and not your mind. Difficult to cope with, especially if you have a Ph.D)
\nFinding your clothes : 5 calories<\/p>\n
Masturbation
\nFor pleasure only : 6 calories
\nFor exercise, too : 10 calories
\nFor relief from tension : 12 calories
\nTo pass the time : 7 calories
\nTo avoid overeating : 16 calories
\nTo get in touch with inner self : 10 calories
\nTo get in touch with outter self : 10 1\/4 calories
\nTo avoid insanity : 24 calories
\nTo avoid spending money on a date : 9 calories
\nIn addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping and binge’s, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm.<\/p>\n
Using
\n – Your hand(s) :
\n * Regular way : 11 calories
\n * Your finger(s) : 9 calories
\n * Tweezers : 2 calories
\n * An inflatable doll : 24 calories
\n * Any fruit or vegetable : 19 calories (except watermelon or a sprig of parsley)
\n – A vibrator :
\n * Hand-operated : 12 calories
\n # Windup : 9 calories
\n # Electric : 5 calories
\n * Anything not mentioned here : 50 calories<\/p>\n
In a pornographic movie theater
\nPurchasing the ticket : 2 1\/2 calories
\nFinding isolated seat : 78 calories
\nAdjusting raincoat : 3 calories<\/p>\n
Typical Sex-Related Fears
\nPartner hates me for what I did : 4 calories
\nPartner hates me for what I didnt do : 8 calories
\nForgetting the instructions in the sex manual : 10 calories
\nClimaxing too soon : 5 calories
\nClimaxing too late : 6 calories
\nNot climaxing : 20 calories
\nPartner thinks of me as a sex object : 9 calories
\nPartner doesnt think of me as a sex object : 47 calories
\nPartner will neglect to administer last rites should I not recover from orgasm : 88 calories<\/p>\n
Personal Fears
\nGigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm : 6 calories
\nStretch marks that look like a plowed field : 8 calories
\nPenis envy : 72 calories
\nBody odor of a disgruntled yak : 25 calories<\/p>\n
Getting Caught
\nBy partner’s spouse : 60 calories
\nBy your spouse : 60 1\/2 calories
\nTrying to explain : 165 calories
\nStuttering : 28 calories
\nThrowing-up : 40 calories (Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed.)<\/p>\n
Almost Getting Caught
\nTrying to remain calm : 100 calories
\nFright (includes trembling) : 66 calories
\nLeaping out of bed : 25 calories
\nGetting dressed in one large motion : 300 calories
\nThanking partner quickly : 2 calories
\nJumping out of window : 15 calories (add 5 calories if window wasnt open)
\nLanding : 1 calories
\nRunning very fast : 50 calories<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Calories we burn whilst having sex! The Act of Insertion If the man is ready (same vice-versa) : 1\/4 calories If the woman is not (same vice-versa) : 274 calories Satisfying Partner (organ size) Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a Shaped organ can write his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-article"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=156"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/azfar.my\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}